Moi...in a minute.

- I act like was was reared during the depression era. Not all the time, but totally randomly, after I buy something, I immediately think of all areas of my life where I could save some change. And, I save REALLY tiny scraps of ribbon that are useless.

- I will (most likely) NEVER let you down. If I tell you I'll do something, I'll do it. I'm a highly sensitive person, and I wouldn't allow it to happen. (Unless you've invited me to a party, I always say I'm coming to parties, but never come. So, know that now).

- I HATE when adults tell children "Soooommmebody's tiiiiirrrreeeddd." Don't say it in that mocking tone. Either say, "You're acting tired. Go take a nap." Or, don't say anything at all.

- I despise talking on the telephone and I block texts on my phone. I get LITERAL, clinical anxiety before I have to call someone or something on the phone. I get so nervous, I have to even write my name, in case I black out and forget it. And, it's just impersonal and weird. But, e-mails aren't. Just kidding. But, I prefer them.

- I LOVE when people pull over for emergency response vehicles. I find it to be one of the only touching things in America.

Soap in Your Mouth Nostalgia...on purpose

I wrote this story for the 2nd graders (well, not FOR the 2nd graders, but to illustrate that I, too, write about my life)...

At the market, we have been selling chunks of soap cut from a GIGANTIC wheel of soap. They are lovely and they smell (ferociously) like rose, cucumber, lavender and other obvious natural odors. The pieces cut are about 1-2 ounces in weight and have squiggly edges from the cutter…and we have been waiting for the day when someone eats a chunk because they are consistently asking what it is.
AND TODAY WAS THE DAY! The meat man brought me the remains of a chunk he found in THE BACON cooler. Funny. So funny that I carried it around…tiny, chewed bits of it and a bigger chunk they took the original nibble from …in my hands. A stranger’s spit, but SO worth the sacrifice.
The thought process of the unintelligent patron is what really makes me giggle.
You would be FORCED to smell it and think, “This doesn’t smell like a cheese I want to eat.” But, no, if we put a sample out, despite distaste or allergies or a razor blade protruding from it…THEY MUST EAT IT. So they do. Even soap. In your mouth. I'm putting toothpicks out tomorrow.

Welcome to the REGISTRAR'S office...

YOU MUST register to vote. The end.

I will not even nag you to vote for who I want you to vote for. All I ask is that you register and vote...
I hereby take away your right to complain about ANYTHING...if you don't vote.

I tell the second graders everyday, "Don't forget to vote when your 19" as they leave the classroom. They get it. They might even be able to help you fill out your voter registration form. Call them.